TRIED AND TESTED PLACES TO HIDE YOUR SEX TOYS
Maybe you just have the one trusty dildo, maybe you have a whole collection of kinky toys… Either way, unless you live alone or with a partner who enjoys them as much as you do, we all know they can be the source of embarrassing questions and unwelcome sniggers if they fall into the wrong hands. Like most people, you’d rather your pleasure treasure stayed out of plain sight.
So here is your quick guide to the best places to hide your sex toys and make sure your adventurous children, cleaning lady, inquisitive flatmates, nosy parents, insecure partner etc. stay in the dark.
Quick recommendations
Remember your stash needs to be secret yet easily accessible to you so you don’t have to turn the place upside down to find your favourite toy. Nothing kills the buzz as quickly as pushing and shoving furniture around. Your hiding place will also definitely depend on WHO you’re hiding it from (the top of the wardrobe might keep it out of kids’ way, but the cleaning lady probably won’t miss it).
Also bear in mind you’re likely to be inserting toys in places that are best kept bacteria-free, so ensure any storage area is clean and dust / mould / insect / bacteria-free. Better still, keep them in a nice protective bag.
Ready? Read our best places to hide your toys below.
IN THE BEDSIDE TABLE
A good ol’ classic and definitely a conceal-it-quick option if you have guests coming, but definitely not the safest place if you have curious kids.
IN A LOCKABLE CASE / WARDROBE / SAFE …
The most secure place to store an adult toy is definitely behind a lock, as long as you have the key or combination. So whether you’re laying your dildos down in a cute lock case in your bedside table, amongst your money and jewellery in the safe or between your insurance papers in the filing cabinet, rest assured no one else is likely to get their hands on them.
ON TOP OF THE WARDROBE
In a nice purse, old suitcase, shoe box… nice and high and out of reach of prying hands and eyes.
IN THE SOCK DRAWER
More discreet and less cliché than the underwear drawer! Not many people will go fishing around in your sock drawer, and you can also roll a dildo into a thick (possibly bright-coloured, easy-to-pick-out in a hurry) pair of socks and mix it in with all the others.
If socks don’t float your boat, other drawers in your room, bathroom etc are sure to offer a secure spot.
INSIDE A COAT POCKET OR OLD HANDBAG
We all have seasonal jackets, long winter coats or an old bag or two we no longer use at the back of the wardrobe. Slide your sex toy into one of the inside pockets; there is very little chance someone will go looking for it there.
INSIDE THE BED STRUCTURE
Under the mattress might not be ideal depending on how your bed is made, but it is more than likely that there are nooks, crannies or hiding places in the headboard you can tuck your pleasure giver into, ready to pull out at a moment’s notice.
INSIDE A DRINK BOTTLE
If you want to get creative, slide your toy into a sports water bottle and screw the lid back on. You can even leave it on your bedside table, just in case things get a little hot during the night.
IN A SPECIALLY-DESIGNED CASE
Hiding sex toys is a real question and worry, which is why many brands have actually designed dedicated cases, usually with locks.
IN SOFT TOYS OR PILLOWS
This may sound a little odd, but taking some of the stuffing out of Teddy and replacing it with a butt plug has been done, and can be done again. If you’re not into animal surgery, the same option applies to a pillow… You can even find pillows with secret compartments, a little like hollow books (also an option if your sexcapades take you as far as the library).
BUY AN INVISIBLE TOY
Yes, there are plenty toys out there today that look like everyday objects. Lipstick, candles, rubber ducks, rings… you can even find a Corn-on-the-cob dildo that can easily pass as a dog toy or food prop. Simply hide all these in plain sight; no one will ever suspect what you actually do with them when you get a little frisky.
